TASKS OF GRIEF zani 5/26/88-3/8/03 The Tasks of Grief TASK 1 You must accept the reality of your loss. You must talk about the loss until you accept it. The more you talk about it, the more you will realize that the loss is real. TASK 2 You must allow yourself to experience the pain of grief. In any loss, you must accept the painful reality and finality of the loss. You have to feel the pain. You can't avoid the pain. It will hurt. You will feel awful. But this pain must be felt in order for you to work through the pain and heal. TASK 3 You have to return to places you went together. It will be hard. You have to learn to function without your friend at home and in your everyday life. In other words, you must keep going. You can't withdraw from the world. TASK 4 Finally, after you have grieved all you need to grieve, you have to begin to withdraw emotional energy that you are investing in your grieving and the focus you have on your loss, and reinvest it into your life. If, after a reasonable amount of time, you constantly go over "what I did wrong" and "what I should have done differently", and refuse to try to move on with your life, you are investing too much energy in your grieving. You must give yourself permission to grieve for as long as necessary. It takes some people longer than others, so don't be hard on yourself if you have to grieve longer than you think you should. An old saying is, "When you get sick of tired of being sick and tired, you will do what is necessary in order to heal."